Just realised what a selfish and self-centered person I am.
To the extent that I don't even know his current situation when we chatted for so long.

Feel happy for him that he had finally found someone he likes to go out with him.

Though I have to admit I will miss him. Till now, I am still unsure about my feelings.
But I guess it doesn't matter now.

It makes me wonder about the feelings of people out of love. They must be feeling so much
more worse.

But there is a saying- only when you experience true sadness will u appreciate happiness.



Just bought some things to be bought to China with Michelle.

It was a short trip, because there was really nothing much to buy. Then, my mum keep saying that I should buy things in China, rather than Singapore, as things there are much cheaper.

I think it will be a really fun trip with my friends around! Can't wait to learn gong fu and climb the tai shan! haha. But, then again, I shouldn't harbor too much hope for it. Learn it through lessons that too much hope will only result in disappointment.

Haha, there really isn't much things to talk about. Just that my "auntie" came knocking at my door and I cannot swim for the whole week.. arghh. Shouldn't have feel so sian that day when yuting asks me to swim with her. It's really quite difficult to find days to swim together with friends when irritating things happen or the weather decided to play a fool of us. Then, when school starts, it is even harder to find time to swim together. :(

Did I tell you I finally know how to swim! haha. Think I am quite zai to learn it in two lessons! hoho. It's all because of the patient guidance of Didi and Sieyen! love them to bits and pieces. But hmmm... I swim slower than people who walk..>< maybe this means I haven't really mastered the skill of swimming. haha.



I love today's weather.

It dizzles non-stop for the whole day. I know it is going to make people who are planning to spend the day outdoors mad. But for me, who finally has a nice day all by myself to slack at home, it is simply bliss.

Been looking at cameras. I think photography would be such a cool hobby to pick up.
Photographers could take pictures of life and inject meaning and his own interpretation to them. Photos are able to capture the exact moment of life and make the moment remains in history. And that is what makes photography so fascinating.

My good friend has bought an old-fashioned camera, the one where you could adjust how much light u want to enter, the clearness of the photos. Who says new things are always better than old ones? To control the amount of light and cleariness and flash. To be able to be in control of what you take. It is another kind of enjoyment.

I wish to be able to take photos of the side of life that few has witnessed. I wish to be able to take happy photos or photos that represent hope.

I wish.



Aimless, goalless, purposeless.
perhaps that is what best describes my life now.

i tried to pack everyday filled with activities with friends.
swimming, cycling, eating, shopping..it's amazing how I turned from a sian girl to a sporty girl. Being with friends make me happy and full of laughters.

But on days like this, when I am all alone,
I can't help but wonder what I am doing with my life, what exactly do I want with my life.

Really, I guess studying is a distraction. When you are studying, you don't have to think about anything else because all that matters is the content. Just like going out is another distraction from thinking of things like tat.

Perhaps that is why my friend used to say I will be able to study well because I concentrate solely on studying. Now that I have lost my object of focus, I really feel lost.

You would think that I am a mugger from what I have said. But noo.. I study only what is required. Amidst the tuitions,ccas and outings, at least there is some goal for me to follow.

I live on purpose and feed on them hungrily. Outings seem to be like leisure, more than purposeful things. Honestly, I don't understand why I can't relax. Maybe it's the workholic nature in me. I don't know.

Sometimes I wonder whether I am just being discontented with things. People envy me for being able to slack and do what I want. Yet, I am complaining. Maybe I should learn to love my life, current and future..

Anyway, I am really looking forward to the gip prelude programme. I am going to Shandong for 2 weeks. So exciting, especially when this is the first time I am going with friends. haha. Just thinking of the trip brightens me up.



我想看清
却越看越不清
我以为我已经到达天堂
却怎么还是失望

我想看清
却越看越伤心
眼泪是种成长后的惩罚
还是珍贵的代价
谁懂我的心

总是有那么多的光头在等候
因为有那么多的理由在牵托
总是有那么多的希望在寄托
要我不要忘了自己最初的梦

This song reminds me of the hardest years I have been through.
Teenage years just seem so faraway and foreign now.
But they are always part of me and forever, it will be.



I had flu the day before yesterday and it escalated to fever yesterday.

Honestly, it was not a good feeling. My whole body feels so weak, i feel cold from fever but hot because of the weather.

And being paranoid as always, I thought that it might be the latest h1n1 virus, though I haven't gone overseas for the past few weeks. When I told my mother that I have fever and she should stay away from me, she just said in a calm tone "oh, so if you are quarantined, I will quarantine with you."

When I heard that, though I am feeling very gong and sick, I can't help but feel very very touched by it. Who will risk their life to take care of the person, except your own family and maybe someone you really love.

So, yea, I must earn lots and lots of money in future so that my parents will be able to enjoy their retirement and hopefully, tour the world? But somehow I don't see the capability in me to earn that much money.

and omans, how i regret not taking up the teacher award! argh. I am just too indecisive.



Now that I am out of job, I can blog again.

I had a few pairs of cute couples as my friends and they always treat me as the middleman, so I get to hear what they are going to do for each other.

I think it is really nice to ask the girl's friend, which is me, what his girl likes when she goes on shopping with me. Of course, I will tell them so that they can prepare the surprises for them. Then, well, actually the girl is also preparing some surprises for her boyfriend and asked me for ideas. I hope they will be together forever and always! :) Ok that is like rather unrealistic of me since people don't live forever, but who cares! I just want to wish my cute friends well.

Then, there's another one who literally dragged me along to choose the present for the girl. Hais, you think I am very free. HAHA. but ya, I am actually quite free now.
Anyways, that's not the point. The point is he is very, very fussy so we ended up shopping till the shopping center is going to close. =/ Hmm though it is really tiring on my part, that is really sweet of him to choose a present for so long!
Anyways, they ain't together but I hope they will. HAHA den next time if they get married, I will only need to give one big ang bows/present! :D No la, cause I think they look really compatible together!

Oh and I went swimming for the first time in my life. Ok, maybe not exactly the first, but it's the first time I tried to learn swimming. I think yuting is a great teacher! Cause amazingly, I am able to float slightly by using her frog style method of swimming. And I think it is really fun to swim, though I keep gulping water in. haha, I feel so healthy after that. maybe it is some kind of psychological effect. But nvm, it feels good! :)

And I tried Chinese dance. But I wonder how long can I persevere there with my weak mentality. I was and is still very stressed cause everyone can dance very well, while I dance.. like a frog?? haha. I hope sie yen and shi yan can join! :)

I think I talk enough crap for the day! where is my story and lyrics going to come out.. haa



surprisingly i woke up super early in a day when I have no school!

haha. maybe school is the one that makes me sleepy

anyways, I am so bored that I decided maybe I should write out a wishlist/ things to do to better plan my holidays! =)

1.) Go China/ Thailand with my family. haha, preferably China because my parents seem to like China and chinese stuff a lot! heh. Ok, maybe it's just an excuse for me to go on a holiday.

2.) Go and take some courses such as cooking or some martial arts or dance!

I really think I am going to starve during the holidays!! when all i have is food downstairs which I don't really feel like eating.

Haha and I would really like to try dance cause my reflexes are CMI. Same goes for my direction. There have been times when I need to stretch out my hands to differientiate between right and left. HAIS

3.) Write stories or lyrics! Just a little dream of mine

4.) Buy new clothes! haha. My close friends can recognise my clothes =X I want clothes that are long sleeved so that they could cover as much of my skin as possible! hahas. Been turning darker and darker cause I walk to school everyday..

While writing this entry, I am catching the show "the seventh day"
It is about 2 love stories. And though the storyline is predictable, I am still addicted to it. =) the two girls are really suitable for their roles. haha. And i like the girl with spectacles too, cause I think she really looks nice with spects! hahas. ok.. i am at the episode that is making me cry as they were crying..

tata. maybe I will write about content with more depth next time.